The Conman Gardener
So, I have this gardener. His name is Chris. Not the same Chris of "Backup" fame, though he too, is both a conman and a very good groundskeeper. No, this Chris is all Jamaican and all hustler. He was hired back in the day when Mr. Abrikian Snr. ruled the roost. His verbal contract states that he comes once a month and sorts out the greenery. Since the departure of Father Brick, most transactions have taken place via Mr. Abrikian Jnr., yours truly. His attempted cons have been various and many, none of which, occurred in the presence of my Father. I can only presume that he perecieves me as street-dumb and gullible. Little does he know that I was raised in the ghetto of Mona (Mona is Hope Pasture's ghetto!), learned the streetlanguage (patois) in St. Bess, where it comes from, and educated in Conman-ness by the same teacher he was, Jamaica herself. Anyway, I shan't bother to get into his varying attempts at sculduggery, but the end result was a conflagration of words today as he applied the proverbial last straw. So, I may or may not need a gardener, any takers?
To anyone thinking that this post would have been remotely related to a recent movie with a somewhat similar title, my apologies.
posted by pEtEr @ 8:30 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
i recommend our gardner lenny. him will turn up bout once every 2mnths when di fruit trees are heavy. and den him will randomly plant trees in ur backyaad. fruit trees of course. last time was a breadfruit.
or jesus the rastaman up di road. but his speciality is giving us tief watermelon.
so which one u prefer. breafruit or watermelon?
I know of a somewhat decent gardener.Well..he's not a gardner but he likes to run up and down so I assume he has some extra energy to spend in the yard. Warning to you however:His feet are so big that the JA Gvt calls on them to clear road-blocks where there are protests. Anyway if you are truely desperate I will give him a call for you.I think his name in Andrew Getrig or something like that but I can look it up.
The last road block I cleared had a lot of burning tires which are very hard to kick for some reason. But yeah, if you need me to come over and kick some trees or weeds out of the yard, just let me know. Only accepting US dollars.
I don't mean to sound smarter than you or your average reader (although I am) but shouldn't you be doing the dance of time between work/school (obviously option 2 since you have an affinity for dropping out of institutions, try Belvue sometime) and time with the girl. To have a battle of time with work and the said 'PB' makes it seem as though you are completely idle.....Point taken.
ps. I thoroughly enjoyed the piece about the gardener. I wonder what an interview process would look like for Abrikian Sr. hiring someone?
Abrikian Sr. is quite articulate when he needs to be. And re Chris, note, there are verbal conflagrations with moi. It's all about inter-personal skills!
But ... I think you have a potential winner in stories about the gardner and the street personalities. Throw in Simmi's gardners and you have a best seller. Do write some more - real or invented!
Post a Comment
<< Home